did you get engaged???
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
