I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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