So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
