No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
