We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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