I'm laying in your front yard are you home
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
