So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
