I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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