His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
