You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
