i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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