It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
