I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
