maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
