I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
