there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All the doctor said was why
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
