he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
