i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
