And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
