i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
