no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
