I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
