Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize