it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
