An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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