what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
