I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
