i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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