you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize