stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
