why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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