I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
