Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize