I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
