I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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