I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize