Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
