I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize