Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize