Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
