you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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