My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
