Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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