I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
