I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
