I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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