My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
