she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize