i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
