It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
