He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
