seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
