I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
