My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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