Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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