did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
