i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
