from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
