if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
