Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
