Farmville is her only friend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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