So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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