he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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