I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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