how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize