Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
