This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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