So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There are leaves in my underwear?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
